(Here’s something I wrote for MomEx…)
Two nights ago, I went out with a friend. She asked me how my life changed when I had children.
Robert, please. You don’t understand, no-one does. When a woman makes the choice to marry, to have children; in one way her life begins but in another way it stops. You build a life of details. You become a mother, a wife and you stop and stay steady so that your children can move. And when they leave they take your life of details with them. And then you’re expected move again only you don’t remember what moves you because no-one has asked in so long. Not even yourself. You never in your life think that love like this can happen to you.
That freaked me out a bit. Which explains why, the past few months have seen me going out more and “reclaiming” myself. I feel that I’ve given a lot of myself to my children and my husband, and now, I’m trying to find some “balance”.
I realized one day that I didn’t have any friends who I could call out of the blue and ask out without needing to “schedule” with them. All my girlfriends are either not in Manila, busy with work, or married with children (and that says a lot). And the idea made me a bit sad.
Of course, marriage and children are something that one makes a clear choice for, but I think that every woman should continue to keep her individual self as she continues on her roles of wife and mother. One of my greatest fears is that I grow old because one day, I find myself with an empty nest, and not know what to do next because there are no kids to care for.
This is probably why it is important to keep busy with something one loves doing, which is probably what I’ll do. Nonono, silly, not partying all the time! =) Something ELSE! =)
Have a great week, everyone!
Post script: I guess what I generally meant was that everyone has to continue learning, widening their horizons. I’ve seen people (E, both of us know who!! Hahahahaha! Both our…you know whos) who have decided to be complacent with what they are.
But I think that in order to grow, to flourish, to be the best that one can be, man needs to continue learning. And I guess, for me, it means to get involved with other things—whether it’s business, new places, new people, a new venture.