Dressing Up

I always dread going to the boys’ school — wether for meetings or to pick them up. Why? Because I feel that I always look so drab beside the put together moms in school. I’m the type of person who could wear jeans/shorts and a shirt every single day. That and a pair of havs.

These are my criteria for clothes when picking them up (imagine mid afternoon sun beating down + humidity = not good, my sweat glands are huge!): comfortable yet not skimpy, pretty yet functional, relaxed yet presentable. So far, I haven’t found anything yet.

Conscious Parenting

I received a link to a very long article in The Atlantic early one morning. It was so long that it turned me off, save for the very compelling title: “How to Land Your Kid in Therapy“. A lot of people think that there is a stigma when one one goes to therapy or “goes to see the shrink”.

For a parent whose kid is in therapy, let me say that I learned so much more about him in particular, and parenting in general. The fact that he does therapy opened doors for me to ask more questions and seek answers about raising children; which is why when this (lengthy!) article came to me, I chose to take time to read it. (Not that I *think* I’m not being defensive; in fact, I *think* that everyone should go to therapy at some point or another. Yes, really.)

Horchata

One evening a few weeks back, S came into the room and said, “Hey listen to this!” And hands me his USB, which I plug into my macbook. I looked at the title of the song and I said, “I like it! What does ‘Horchata’ mean though?”

He says, “Oh I dunno…” and THEN, we hear P say, “Oh, horchata is a hot chocolate drink. Spanish or Mexican, I think.” I just had to look at S in so much surprise and pride (we were screaming inside, couldn’t show P because he might think we’re overacting, which we think we weren’t), and said, ever so calmly, “oh really? Where’d you learn that?”

He says, “Well, you do remember I like cooking shows, right?”

So here it is…Horchata. (And yes, it was my status on FB a few weeks ago.)

Ano daw? (What did he/she say??)

While I’m not perfect, I absolutely cannot stand wrong grammar. Once, S and I were in this office for a meeting. They let us sit in one of the cubes of their admin assistants as we were waiting for the other participants for the meeting. The cube had a huge white board for them to list down their things to do, reminders, etc.

A large part of that white board had all these boo-boos they’ve “collected” in all the meetings they have attended. Okay, so maybe I can’t remember what they are, but that wall inspired me to collect my own. Hahaha!

Here they are:

• Transcend it down
• We’ll get back at you
• I’m stock in Sta Mesa
• They work hand-in-hand together
• I am referring about (product), and then about (product2) too for (company) consideration for a PO to bring down the cost low.
• It’s look like…
• In consonant with that…
• Looks like we should prepare to help and assist…
• Currently now, it’s booked for dec 8th.

How about you guys, do you know any??? Share!!!

My sister contributed this:  ”Feed me back regarding…” (Winner!)

Dads and AP

In celebration of Fathers’ Day tomorrow, and as a thank you to my husband S for agreeing to appear on Mornings@ANC yesterday, this is my post on Dads and AP.


As most of us have probably experienced growing up, our Dads have generally been just providers of the house. Providers of money, in particular. I wasn’t close to my own Dad while growing up. In the house, he was like the Supreme Court (like when my Mom and I needed a tie breaker). My Mom was the one who did *everything else* at home. Naturally, I was closer to her.


However, in this day and age, we see so many differences in the home setting. A lot more women/moms have gone to work, while a lot of men/dads have chosen to be more active in the home and with their children. And this is a great thing! Now, parenting is a bit more equal than it was years ago.

In our own family, I am so happy that S participates in his role as Dad, especially since we have two boys. I’ve generally taken the lead about how I want to raise the boys, and I’m just absolutely thankful that we’re on the same page on this!


In the beginning, some guys might find it strange how they can AP when they have a newborn and a wife who’s decided to breastfeed. Believe me, there are so many other ways! Look! 


They can play with their newborns – 

(from http://heidihope.blogspot.com)

(from http://www.johastingsphotography.co.uk)

(from http://heartprintphotography.com)

They can sleep with their newborns – 

(from http://greenbabyguide.com)

(from http://www.soulprintsphotography.com/)

And this is aside from changing diapers, washing them, and sunning them! Skin-to-skin bonding is not only for mom and baby. Even dads, so it would be great if you new dads do that!

It is much easier when the children are bigger. In our family, here are some ways we practice AP:

• S also wore K when he was smaller. So it’ll be great if you can wear your babies! Or carry them at least
• We co-sleep! Yes, until now! Both boys co-slept with us till they were around 3 or 4. They’ve since been moved out into their own beds during the weekdays but on weekends, it’s one big slumber party for all of us. K sometimes still gets up in the middle of the night and sneaks into our bed.
• We practice positive discipline. We talk to the child and make them understand what actions they did wrong and how they should correct these. We constantly remind them so they remember. 
• Consistency in all things. Now this is super important. The rules we have with our kids are consistent, which is why a lot of thought is always put into making new rules, so that we don’t need to change them. Even in caregivers. We were lucky because they had one yaya who was with them since. No yaya issues here!

While in the beginning, practicing AP is a conscious decision and something you need to think about everytime something comes up with your child, it becomes a habit when done all the time. And one big myth is that “working parents can’t practice AP”. They definitely can. Again, its something you choose to do.

To all the dads out there, Happy Fathers’ Day! Especially to my Dad, in whose quiet ways I have learned to be who I am, and to S, thanks for being dad to my kids, and husband to me. Love you both!

Mom, What’s Wrong with That Kid?

I got this in the mail today. It was a GREAT read. Please do take time to read as well…

What a special parent wishes typical parents would do when their child encounters a special needs child.

by Krissy Racho-Orobia (thecluelessmomma@gmail.com)

What do you do when you’re child asks “What’s wrong with her?” while pointing to an obviously disabled child well within earshot of everyone and the parent of the disabled child?

Most parents caught in this awkward situation immediately “shhh” their child, tell them not to be rude, not to bother the disabled child and pull them away. Parents of typical kids (yes that would be a politically correct term), who have no experience with special kids (another politically correct term), are often flustered in these situations when they are caught off guard. In their attempts to get away from the awkwardness of it all, they end up doing the worst thing they could do – pull away. They would have, in effect done the following:

1. Let the special child feel more isolated and more ostracized from society. They may not express it, but it is hurtful. Very hurtful. They have enough pains already and th is a form of rejection.
2. Hurt the parent of the special child as well. The mom may continue what she is doing and ignore you, but trust me, she heard you and your child. Quietly she is trying to counsel herself and trying to forgive you for your unintended rudeness. Special parents are good at hiding their pain to the point that “sainthood” is often dubbed on them.
3. Deprive your child to learn compassion, understanding and appreciation of the different kinds of people God has created. Your child is not being rude, but just curious. Also, give your child more credit – you’d be surprised at how much they can understand.
4. Pass up on your chance to grow in charity and kindness.

Understandably, the typical parent means well. She really doesn’t know how the special parent (yes, that is what we have termed parents of special kids) feels in the given scenario. Run away is the first instinct. Fortunately, there are ways a typical parent can turn it around.

While I do not speak in behalf of any group of special parents, I believe I share most of my sentiments with them. To begin with, the least you can do is smile at the special parent and deal with your own child’s questions later as you slowly try to walk away without “shhh-ing” your child. Smiling is easy, yet it takes away what a wonderful encounter it could have been.

So what do you do? Here is a possible step-by-step plan:

First, correct your child and say, “There is nothing wrong with her, she is just different.” You can also say, “differently-abled” or even “just sitting on a wheelchair.” But never say, “disabled,” “mentally challenged,” “retarded,” “sick” or “has a disease.” Never ever say that there is something wrong with the child because there certainly is nothing wrong with a special child. Now, calling her a “special child” is also acceptable, but that might give you a harder time explaining to your young child what ‘special child’ really means. You can use this when you explain it further to your child after you meet the special child.

Bring your child’s attention to what they may have in common. This can be the most difficult for an adult – to see beyond the wheelchair or beyond the social disability (of autism). You can say, “She probably likes ice cream like you.” Or, “You probably have the same favourite color, or listen to the same music, or both have older brothers, or like to go swimming.” – sheesh, I can think of a hundred things special and typical kids have in common.

Break the barrier of difference and encourage your child to say a simple “hi.”For the severely disabled you can prompt your child and say, “I’m sure she would like for you to say hi to her even if she won’t be able to say hi to you herself.” You can prepare your child not to expect the usual response. This is the ultimate example of giving something without expecting anything or any response in return.

Be honest. When your child follows it up with, “Why is she different” you have to be honest and say, “I don’t really know, we can ask her mommy.” Up until this time, the special mom has been wanting to share her special child’s story with you and your child. She has heard your whole conversation with your own child and will now rescue you from further questions you cannot answer or from potentially becoming unintentionally rude or hurtful to her and her special child.

Know the child before you know the disability. If the child were not a special needs child, what are among the first things you ask or do? You introduce yourself, ask her name and her age right? Do the same. Tell your child to ask the special parent what is her child’s name if the child won’t be able to answer. In a typical situation, this isn’t being rude but being friendly.

After knowing the child, ask away. Special parents love to talk about their kids just like typical parents like to brag about their kids. Special parents cannot say, “honor student yan!” Or even, “she can count 1-10, she’s not shy around others and sings so well, she can sit on her own.” Special parents may not even ever get to say these about their kids. So give this chance for special parents to briefly explain what their kids can and cannot do. You can say, “Could you help me? I hope it doesn’t seem rude to you. My child is just curious. May I know what your child’s condition is so I can better explain to my child later?”

Notice two things: you asked for help and let the special parent feel better knowing she is helping you and not the other way round. Second, you offered to listen to her. Ahhh yes, that is what special parents really need – someone to listen. Take note also the safest word is “condition.” You wouldn’t want to ask, “What’s your child sickness/case/problem/disability?” Or worse, “What is wrong with her?” Another term you can use is “What is her diagnosis or special needs?”

Let the special parent share with you and your child. Special parents can simplify medical terms and conditions for the understanding of even your toddler. If your child sees you talking to the parent, she won’t be shy to approach the special child. When you are engaged in a conversation, don’t worry if your child will say something embarrassing. “Mom, the kid drools, her eyes are duling cross-eyed, she looks weird, she is too hyper and does strange things.” If there is that awkward silence, do not pull away, do not call your child rude, do not tell your child not to say such things and do not ignore what your child says. Technically, your child is just being truthful in what she sees physically. There is no need to apologize for your child’s curiosity. This is her first encounter with a special child after all. When you apologize, you actually build a barrier again because you are showing your own embarrassment and giving the special parent a reason to be embarrassed or awkward too. Like what we’ve said earlier, you can instead change the focus on what they have in common. Seems difficult to do?

Let’s try this example: “She drools” Say, “Oh you notice that. I also notice that she has a really cool pair of shoes. Do you like her shoes?” “Mom, she acts weird, talks funny and doesn’t even look at me.” A good response would be, “I can see why you say that, but she’s not that different from you and me. She probably likes listening to stories and making friends…” If you have been talking to the special parent, you may not have to say anything to your child. You may hear the special parent say, “Yes, she drools and does have a hard time keeping her mouth closed but she opens it even wider when she eats ice cream. Do you like ice cream?” You would be surprised what special parents can tell your child. When you act comfortable around them, it makes things easier for everyone. Any slip-ups in terminologies are excusable, because by this time, the special parent should feel that you mean well especially if you have made eye contact and exchanged smiles.

Take it as an opportunity. Sometimes your child doesn’t even have to ask. When you catch your child staring at a special child, just break the barrier and encourage her to go say “hi.” When you see the child first before the disability, everything becomes clearer and more comfortable for everyone.

In the rare case that the special parent shows some sarcasm or resentful look, just continue to smile and try to be as polite as possible. Just like any other parent, she is probably having a bad day. Or she probably already got some rude stares from other typical parents and is just tired from all of it. At least you know you did your part and not added to their hurts.

The friendship you offer is no more and no less than the friendship she can give. You can walk away inspired by how well she carries herself and her child. Your own child will remember this encounter and become a more compassionate person. You would have given your child the precious gift of character building. You’ll definitely feel better than if you had “shhh” your child because that just confuses your child more. And the special parent would have gone home believing that their child can be seen beyond the disability. That the tiring trip to take their special child out of the house is well worth it because it will bring them beautiful encounters as well.

So the next time you see a special needs child, remember to smile, break the barrier, know the child before the disability. Seize this opportunity to grow in character.

Finally, may I add, walk away with a silent prayer of thanksgiving in your heart.Thank the Lord for this brief encounter that can only enrich you. Thank Him for your blessings. Ask the Lord to continue to bless you and the special parent to give you both the strength you need to nurture and care for the child He gave you – whether typical or special because either way they are all beautiful and perfect children of God.

• Feel free to pass this around. Share similar stories if you have any. Help me improve on this article if you have other ideas. We’re beyond creating awareness – because what use is awareness if there is no action. Let’s break barriers!
• Come back again for another post I’m working on: “What special parents wish typical parents know.” Suggest other topics. Ask questions and I’ll try to answer -thecluelessmomma@gmail.com

Brand ME: Make yourself a Powerhouse Brand

I got this in the mail the other day….

Hello Hot Mamas!

I hope you’ve got nothing planned for June 25th.  I’m giving a short talk BRAND ME: Make Yourself A Powerhouse Brand.  It is about self-branding and pulling everything together to build brand equity for mombloggers and mompreneurs.

This talk is part of the Spark Series of the Colab.  Activities for your earthlings is being organized however if they are below 2 best that they have their papas or yayas to guide them.  There is also an outdoor park right across the venue in Legaspi Village.  Yummy snacks will be served by Kraze Kitch Bakeshop.

Slots are limited to 25, and reservations are first come first serve.

Here are the details again:

BRAND ME: Make Yourself A Powerhouse Brand
When:  June 25th, Saturday
Time:  10:00 am
Where:  COLAB, 4/F Optima Bldg., 221 Salcedo St. (Cor. Gamboa), Legaspi Village, Makati

Attendance is free.  Please confirm your seat by email and Twitter.
earthlingsmama at gmail.com
http://twitter.com/#!/EarthlingsMama
http://twitter.com/#!/coLABmanila

See you there!

Rone

Of interviews

So, this company calls me in for an interview. With the president, no less. And while I knew I didn’t want to work full time (note: this company is notorious for not just full time work, but making sure they squeeze out the money they’re paying you), I wanted to meet the president.

When I received that call to come in and discuss possibilities, I didn’t even think twice. I said — YES. I figure, hey, how often does this opportunity come by? Besides, I thought it would be good to see if I were still — “marketable” (in the job sense).

The interview was set at 6:30pm (yes, normal ang overtime, besides the president is in meetings all day and handles several corporations, so what do you expect? The HR lady seemed really amazed — or was it relieved? — that the schedules worked out!).

But turns out, the president was extremely busy. I was called in nearly an hour later — I was hot (they turned off the aircon, perhaps in keeping with company policy), sleepy and tired (S arrived on the 4am CebPac flight, and I was at work since 8am), and disheveled (I shouldn’t have worn that nice white Banana Republic blouse that creases — those things don’t work if you’re out for more than 8 hours). And the first thing I am asked is, “What interests you?”


In my head, I’m thinking, “What kind of cryptic message is that???” So I answer — “Children”. “Children’s clothes?” I was asked. “Everything children,” I clarify, as cryptic as the question I was thrown.


Generally, it was a very pleasant discussion. I stuttered a bit, in awe of the presence of a VIP. 


In the end, I said I really wasn’t ready for anything full time, as I believe that it is important for me to be with my children in the first 7-10 years of their lives. And I was told, that, in 2-3 years’ time, if I am interested in career advancement, some challenge (and I think, that is putting it lightly), and intellectual stimulation, I should give them a call.


I wonder if it’ll ever come to that.

Behind the scenes at the PLDT Ka-Asenso shoot

Sometime last year, a friend and I were invited to join the “bazaar” during the launch of PLDT Ka-Asenso. So I guess, then it was serendipity when they called me nearly after a year to ask if we would be interested in doing an ad for them!

The main target market for this campaign are mompreneurs, and the entire theme is that moms can work at home and watch the kids (well, that’s putting it in a very simplistic way, but I’m sure you get the drift).

Here were the two pegs that were used for the shoot:

and

I was hoping they’d shoot while S were still around but they scheduled the shoot the day he’d left for Shanghai! *sigh*

Anyway, here are a few behind the scenes shots…

And the funny thing is, P was so agit because the creative director said that they’d photoshop a dad behind us. (See the above pegs) He was extremely adamant about having the right dad in the picture.

So in the end, this is what it looked like:

So yay! Next9 (sorta) got exposure! And P was happy that they didn’t photoshop a silhouette of another dad in.

Mother’s Day Musings

Yesterday was Mother’s Day. I sent out a standard message to those people who meant something to me:

Happy Mom’s Day! Nail spa, massage, retail therapy day!

While I received a lot of “thank yous” (lots on the list!), I noted that several also lamented “I wish I had the time!”. I guess, perhaps most moms feel that their responsibility doesn’t end just because it’s mom’s day, right?

Perhaps it is because moms are just wired to work and do their “job”. I put “job” in quotes because I’m not even talking about work in the workplace setting, I mean “stuff to do at home”.

I realize this on hindsight because when I got to my mom’s place, guess what I see her doing? COOKING! Cooking, when she should have just been hanging out with us, waiting for the pizza we ordered (it was pizza and coke day yesterday, because since my youngest sister married and moved out, she didn’t have a “pizza and coke” partner anymore). But my dad doesn’t eat pizza, so she cooked for him.

Well, I didn’t have time to do my nail spa, massage and retail therapy either as because between the lunch (with my mom) and the dinner with my MIL, I had to “work”, again in quotes (“raket” kasi hahaha!).

How about you, our dear MomEx readers, what did you do on Mom’s Day? Were you a pampered queen, not needing to even lift a finger? Or was it a normal day for you?

I liked what my friend tweeted, though:

I don’t really celebrate Mother’s day since I feel that mothers should be honored every single day. But having said that, I’m really touched when I get a Mother’s day greeting from someone totally unexpected. Like my Mother-in-law’s driver, Val. Yan ang thoughtful.

(also posted on Mom.Exchange.Ph)